How can you let guests know that you’ll be having a formal reception, and black-tie attire would be appreciated?

Some etiquette mavens believe that if the wedding is in the evening, at a formal venue like a country club, then guests should know the reception is formal, and adding the words “black tie” to your invitations is redundant.  Unfortunately, not everyone on your guest list may be an etiquette maven.  If formal dress is important to you, mention it on the invitations.

This is a thoughtful courtesy to your friends from softball league, your college buddies, the cousins you haven’t seen since you were ten, and anyone else who might not be familiar with your formal side. If adding black tie to your tasteful invitations can help save a friend or two from a fashion embarrassment, do it.  It’s even more considerate to phrase your request as black tie encouraged or black tie appreciated, to make it feel like a favor, and not sound like a Bridezilla-ish command.

When the invitation specifies black tie, it’s more than rude for guests to ignore your request. If a guest does arrive underdressed, say nothing. Don’t add to the etiquette gaffe by pointing out his or her mistake, and definitely don’t admonish any fashion-challenged guest.  It was thoughtless of your guest to turn up underdressed, but it’s tacky to draw attention to it. 

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